Zuckerberg uses charm algorithm to prepare for hearings

Menlo Park, CA (CNBS) - Facebook engineers have created a computerized algorithm for their founder and CEO Mark Zuckerberg to help him prepare for his upcoming congressional hearings

The program was still in early beta testing until a week ago, but was fast-tracked when it became apparent that Zuckerberg could not avoid appearing in front of congress to represent Facebook.

Zuckerberg has been criticized lately for his lack of empathy and accountability in the Cambridge Analytica scandal.

“In the past, Mark's sincerity has been notably insincere, but we're confident that this new algorithm will kick in and give his persona a badly needed boost”, a Facebook spokeswomen told CNBS News.

“The Charm/Humility (ChUm) algorithm utilizes complex mathematical sequences which evaluate a wide range of human qualities, which it then will attempt to overlay them on Mark Zuckerberg”, the spokeswomen explained. “We're all very excited to see the “new Mark” on Capitol Hill.

Facebook staff who spoke off the record told CNBS News that they have already noticed some promising changes in Zuckerberg's demeanour.

“Last night as I was leaving work, Mark wished me a good night. He totally got my name wrong, but he seemed so pleased with his effort that I let it slide”, said one employee.

“This morning in the men's room, he actually did a courtesy flush, which I'm pretty sure was a first for him”, said another.

According to sources familiar with the matter, none of the 535 members of Congress have accepted Zuckerberg's “friend requests” to date.


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