Donald Trump shocked Republicans and the world by leaving the GOP to start his own political party.
The new party, to be known as the Trump Party of America, was announced today in the wake of his summit with Russian president Putin in Helsinki.
Mr Trump says that the decision came to him during his secret two-hour meeting with the Russian president.
“I'm not sure how he did it, but Vladimir helped me see the light”, the president said. “He looked into my eyes and began speaking. Two hours later, everything became very clear to me.”
“We must work together, Vlad and I, to create a new world and a new world order”, Mr Trump added.
Mr Trump announced that he will be making several overhauls in his government, starting with the naming of former Russian ambassador Sergey Kislyak as his new chief of staff. “It was an obvious choice”, the President said, “Sergey knows the Oval Office better than anyone else in Washington”.
Other actions announced by the White House included the arrests of Special Council Robert Mueller, former presidential candidate Hilary Clinton, and Vice President Mike Pence.
“I don't know why I arrested Mike; I guess the guy just gives me the creeps”, the President said. “Sure, I like my ass kissed, but even I can only take so much.”
“I've also advised the four remaining Democrats on the Supreme Court that their services are no longer required”, the President said. The President named as replacements Sean Hannity, Ted Nugent, First Daughter Ivanka Trump, and both Koch brothers who will count as one seat.
Outgoing White House press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders could not hide her reaction to the announcement.
“Oh my f#cking god, I can't believe I'm finally rid of that lying sack of s#it”, she told CNBS reporters on her way to an undisclosed treatment center.