Trump gets armoured golf cart

Washington – (CNBS) A new $1.5 million armoured golf cart has been added to the United States Secret Service presidential protection fleet.

“This cart will be used when the president is golfing and will travel with him aboard the normal Secret Service cargo plane that carries the armoured presidential limousine,” a Secret Service spokesman said.

CNBS sources within the Secret Service have said the addition of the armoured golf cart is less about terrorists or a “lone nut-job” and more about protecting Mr. Trump from former golf partners.

“He cheats. If you check, you’ll find he wins on every one of his golf cards. He’s even claimed to having beaten champions Tiger Woods and Jack Nicklaus,” a Secret Service source told CNBS. White House staff now routinely shred all score cards in presidential golf games. Oscar De La Hoya recently confirmed the President's conduct on the links.

Rather than a Secret Service driver, Mr. Trump insisted that he should drive the cart himself himself after he learned that it is capable of zero to 60 miles-per-hour in 4.0 seconds.

Bullet-proof glass, armouring beneath and on top of the cart as well a full communications with the Secret Service and the White House, come along with an onboard anti-aircraft/missile close-in-weapons-system (CIWS). The cart includes posts for flags that normally appear on the presidential limousine.

The golf cart, the second vehicle to be added this year to the presidential transportation fleet, will be used whenever and wherever the president golfs. Earlier this year, Ringling Brothers circus donated a former clown car for transporting White House staff during presidential travel.

Ships in many NATO navies are equipped with CIWS units capable of firing 4,500 rounds per minutes of armour-piercing tungsten penetrator rounds.

An auto technician consulted by CNBS said that a full size sedan attacking the presidential golf cart would be “a pile of scrap metal” at 300 yards if the CIWS was engaged. “And that’s with out any damage to Mr Trump's fairway,” the technician said.

Brenton Harding is CNBS's Washington Bureau Chief.


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