New York (CNBS) – Relief swept through Wall Street today on news that The Three Stooges will replace Gary Cohn as the president’s chief economic advisers.
The appointment of Larry, Moe, and Curly means it will be the first time the Council of Economic Advisers will be chaired by three people.
“We are absolutely confident of our ability to bring to the president his opinion and direction on anything and everything,” Moe Howard told a White House news conference. “The president is an absolutely brilliant man so we will listen to his views and agree with him. After all, he’s a busy man and does not need time wasted with pointless facts and statistics.”
Asked about the current state of the economy, Larry Fine said, “thanks to the Obama administration policies the economy is performing extremely well.”
“It will probably be another six months to a year before we can screw things up again, but we are confident we can do that. Look at past Republican administrations – recession, recession, recession." Asked about a possible Trump recession, Mr. Howard said, “oh, wise guy, huh? . . . okay mutton head, explain a recession to these gentlemen.”
“Nyuk nyuk nyuk”, Curly Howard observed.
Mr. Cohn had strongly disagreed with the president’s desire to impose tariffs and resigned after the president announced tariffs on steel and aluminum. Mr. Trump claimed to know that every country was dumping products in the United States. Meanwhile, Mr. Cohn warned the president about the devastating consequences of a trade war.
“If they want war, I’ll give them war. Where are my launch codes?” the president is reported to have told Mr. Cohn.
Asked about their background in economics, Moe Howard told reporters, “we made pretty good dough in one of our favourite episodes, 'Healthy, Wealthy, and Dumb', so that’s where we come from as advisers.”
No Stooge was harmed in the making of this story.