Meat Loaf Named Chief of Staff

Washington (CNBS) – Donald Trump has announced that rock star Meat Loaf will assume the role of White House Chief of Staff, effective immediately.

“My friend Mr Loaf will make a great, great Chief of Staff”, the president said, “ I mean, did you see this guy on The Apprentice? Anybody who can shout down Gary Busey can handle those losers on my staff ”.

The announcement caught most Washington players by surprise, none less than the current chief of staff John Kelly. “Who is this jag-off?”, Kelly asked when he entered what used to be his office.

The president was caught off guard when his first choice for the position, Nick Ayers, announced that he had a sudden urge to move back to Georgia to spend more time with his family. Ayers, the chief of staff for Vice President Mike Pence, was seen running down Pennsylvania Ave, avoiding reporters as he jumped into a waiting Uber.

Mr Trump asked 18 other candidates if they would accept the job, all of whom “politely declined”.

When asked why he accepted the position of chief of staff, Meat Loaf replied, “I told Mr Trump that I wanted a walk-in refrigerator and a barbecue pit in my office. He just shrugged and said okay”.

Mr Loaf said that the first thing on his agenda was to commandeer the keys to Donald Trump Jr's private rest room.