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McMaster is out, Sasha "Borat" Cohen is new security adviser

Washington (CNBS) – National security issues are about to be turned over to Sacha Baron Cohen, CNBS News has learned.


Following hot on the heals of the resignation of White House Communications Director, Hope Hicks, and a raft of other officials, comes news that national security adviser, Gen. H.R. McMaster, is about to resign and his replacement has been chosen.


CNBS White House sources report that Gen. McMaster has already told the president of his intention to resign giving the White House time to find a replacement prior to his departure.


Gen. McMaster’s comment to the president came sometime back, however, a search for a replacement had become bogged down by lack of any candidates delaying announcement of his departure. “They couldn’t find anyone to take the job,” a CNBS source close to the Oval Office said. “They even talked to two North Koreans and were firmly rejected.”


A source in the White House said that British comedian Sacha Baron Cohen was one of two people who eventually expressed interest and were seriously considered. Mr. Baron Cohen is perhaps best known to Americans as the main character of the motion picture, “Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan.”


Mr. Baron Cohen is being briefed in preparation for Congressional hearings on his appointment. “Right now he is being tutored on identification of the 50 U.S. states and words of the national anthem, he seems to be catching on quickly,” the source told CNBS. “All indications are he’s smarter and more stable than Trump, which should eventually get him fired”, they acknowledged.


Gen. McMaster is reported to be completely exasperated by “that goof-ball in the Oval Office.” A CNBS source at the National Security Council, who requested anonymity in order to discuss personal conversations with the general, said Gen. McMaster was on the verge of losing his temper after more than one Oval Office session.


“He thinks when I discuss the Middle East I’m talking about Ohio and West Virginia", the source quoted the general as saying. "Okay", the general muttered, "but Hawaii??"


“I’ve chatted with Mr. Baron Cohen a couple of times, he’s a bright guy. I liked his movie. He’ll do well with this president, the bumpkin,” Gen. McMaster was quoted as saying.


“Even though he is a British citizen, Baron Cohen already has level-one security clearance which puts him ahead of his boss,” the source said.

Once the president finally approves Mr. Baron Cohen, the White House will announce Gen. McMaster’s resignation and Baron Cohen’s appointment. “He (the president) doesn’t really have much choice, it’s Baron Cohen or Bobcat Goldthwait; they are the only ones who didn’t turn us down flat,” the source said.


White House staff, who are still on the job, are currently tying up loose ends in preparation for the Baron Cohen announcement.

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