Daily Classroom Shooting Drills Make For Fun Day

Updated: Mar 1, 2018

Part 2 of a three-part series

Bear Butt, MT (CNBS) – Each morning at Bear Butt High School begins the ordinarily enough. First, everyone stands and, in the reserved, monotonous drone that only totally bored school kids can do, pledge allegiance to the flag.

That done, the tempo quickly changes. The school’s principal, George S. Flatten Jr., hits the school’s public address system to deliver a jingoistic message to students and staff. Each point in the principal’s message is followed by a unified “hooah!” from students that rings through the two-story school building.

Next, principal Flatten calls out, “Person your battle stations!” The announcement is the cue for teachers to remove keys from their desks and, while students line up in orderly lines, they unlock cabinets and begin to pass out assault weapons and flak jackets to each student.

Many of the teenage girls receive lovely pink weapons, along with stylish bullet-proof vests which they decorate themselves in the arts and crafts class.

One boy in each class is issued with a .45 calibre pistol, a rocket-propelled grenade launcher, and a sword. This boy is the class captain who will lead his classmates into combat in the school hallways. Two girls are issued with red cross arm bands. They remain in the classroom to provide first aide to any of their classmates who are wounded in a theoretical clash with an active shooter.

After weapons are issued the classroom door is slowly opened and, with a rattle of the squad leader’s sword, the student squad heads off to confront a practice shooter.

Exercise concludes, and ten minutes later students are back at their desks, weapons stored again under lock and key, as classes start for the day. “We have never had an active shooter incident here at Bear Butt High and I am confident you can attribute that to our readiness,” Mr. Flatten told CNBS News.

“Our readiness and tank traps around the campus are sufficient deterrents,” he added.

“I’ll be honest with yuh, we had a few wrinkles early in the program. But we worked those out.” Mr. Flatten said the first incident involved a pick-up truck owned by the school’s shop teacher, Mike Terrence. “What happened is one of our class captains tripped and accidentally launched a grenade that hit Mr. Terrence’s pick-up. Blew the sh*t out of it.”

“It was my fault,” Mr. Terrence told CNBS, “I should never have parked in the faculty parking lot!”

School janitor Juan, his last name not used since he is Bear Butt’s local undocumented alien, was also slightly wounded during a live-fire exercise. “We successfully limited his injuries to five or six flesh wounds in that exercise,” Mr. Flatten said. “But we also took immediate action and sent all the students involved in that incident back to the practice range”.


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